We’ve all attended funerals, told stories about the deceased and listened to a heartfelt eulogy by a family member or dear friend. But the most revealing things said probably came when some people went out back for a smoke.
That’s when things surface that would never be said inside.
It would be a great use of our imagination and a working compass for our lives if we could listen in now to what will be said about us outside.
We meet too few people who will share their real feelings about our behaviors, and what a pity that is. It gives us a false sense of acceptance and insulates us from finding a more workable way.
It seems that some authentic thoughts about us sneak out when another unleashes a moment of pent-up upset. That rarely works because it’s usually filled with accusatory vomit.
We tend not to listen when being attacked.
The real truth has no words, but our relative truths do point to this place of authenticity. Your feeling about someone and their behaviors is your relative truth. When we sugar coat or withhold it, we gulp down another dose of a universal drug called “mediocre relationships.” Life becomes your sugar coating interacting with their sugar coating and it has the sickenly sweet taste of saccharin.
WARNING: Please don’t confuse this with “speaking your mind.” That is just us telling the world how it should be. That’s a head trip that just feeds our sense of being right.
Telling the truth isn’t about right or wrong; it’s just communicating what is. It seems when we have all the information, we make better decisions. Hidden agendas bury the truth and keep us from truly connecting in this lifetime.
Any conversation that starts off with “you did” will mask the truth in anger. When you talk about another’s behaviors and how you feel when you encounter them, you’re communicating a personal truth and not a judgement.
The truth is about you, not them. Your verifiable truths are your feelings. If you don’t tell another about them, you are living a lie.
Deep connection can seem scary at first because we feel our vulnerability surface. If you’re not willing to show your underbelly to another, your relationship will stay mired in mediocrity. Vulnerability is the price of admission to see if we can make a true connection. If you’re not willing to ante up, all bets are off. Nobody wins.
You really decide how you relate to another. The only question is: “Will you offer another sugar cube or an authentic serving of you?”
All the best,
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