“There are holes in peoples’ lives that keep them from becoming whole.” So said The Grasshopper this May morning.
We often don’t recognize the hole that we’re in.
When I’m coaching someone, I listen and look for what’s not there. They describe everything but the hole.
Everyone is an expert on their problem until it comes to solving it. Solving a problem requires that you unearth it from the hole that it’s in.
“What’s not there?” is a curiosity question that fires off in my mind when I begin to hear someone’s story.
The answer to that question is usually a piece of behavior that they are not recognizing or burying in a burrow.
Behavior is the root of most peoples’ problems. It’s the hole in their story.
Many people ask for help but reject it out of hand when they find out they have to lift a hand to solve their situation.
We are a magic potion society that believes there is something that will get us out of our hole without adjusting any of our behavior. For example, just ask any couples’ therapist and they will tell you this story: Each member of the couple holds the notion that if the other changes, then everything will be better.
They keep their behavior holed up and it’s a major hold up in solving their problem.
What piece of behavior can you adjust that will help solve your problem? “That’s just the way I am” is your first clue that you’re stuck in a hole that you dug for yourself.
I am a lousy second or third time listener. What I mean by that is when someone describes their problem to me multiple times, I become deaf. It was crystal clear the first time and the remedy is the same each time – adjust your behavior or stay in your hole.
If you notice that you have the same problem you had last week, last month, last year or ten years ago, you are in a hole.
The lifeline to extricate you from this pit appears when you notice the hole in your story – the lack of behavior recognition or a lack of willingness to adjust.
I’ve mention it before but one of my favorite songs from my church going days had these lyrics: “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.”
Our behavior begins with us. It’s the whole story.
All the best,
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