Feel Good About Yourself - Grasshopper

After presenting self-help seminars to hundreds of thousands of people over the years, I can tell you this with confidence: feeling bad about yourself is incredibly common. Almost epidemic.

A lot of people walk around carrying limiting feelings about themselves – sometimes for a lifetime. It’s painful, and it works against them in almost every area of life. Some people call it self-sabotage. I think it’s more accurate to call it misinformation.

From the time we were little, we were shaped by parents, teachers, peers, and life experiences. And since we were young and impressionable, a lot of those opinions got absorbed without question. Some encouraged us . . . many others left dents.

Over time, too many of us learned to focus more on what’s wrong with us than what’s right with us. And that’s a hard way to live.

But before you blame the people who influenced you, consider this: they were conditioned too. They were passing along what they had learned – or struggled with – themselves. In most cases, they simply didn’t know any better.

It reminds me of the quote often attributed to Jesus: “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Now, the answer isn’t as simple as somebody saying, “Hey, feel good about yourself.” That sounds nice, but it rarely works. It’s what I call a directive without direction.

And here’s something that sounds crazy, but is true: even narcissistic people can feel bad about themselves. Beneath all the attention-seeking and image management is often a deep sense of emptiness. No amount of applause fills that hole for very long.

So how do you actually begin to feel better about yourself?

Oddly enough, it starts with noticing when you’re feeling bad.

Start paying attention to the running commentary in your head while it’s happening. 

Notice the thoughts that criticize you, compare you, or pick you apart.

But don’t fight those thoughts. Just observe them.

Think of it like watching a bad off-off-Broadway play. You don’t jump onstage and argue with the actors. You sit there and watch the performance unfold.

That simple act of observing creates space between you and the thought.

And over time, something interesting happens: those dysfunctional thoughts begin to lose momentum. They stop showing up as often. And in the quiet space they leave behind, healthier thoughts have room to enter.

So make it a practice to notice your mind in action.

It’s a surprisingly effective way to let better feelings sneak in through the side door.